Hope Mixed with New Fears

Dear Lord,

I need to call today to schedule the dreaded hysterosalpingogram (HSG). As miserable as the test/procedure will be, I am hopeful that it will be successful. If it's Your will, may we conceive right away as a result of the procedure. Do I dare to hope?

Now that we are taking aggressive steps, the concept of actually being pregnant brings more fears:
  1. Miscarriage - Not getting pregnant is painful; getting pregnant and losing the baby would be heartbreaking.
  2. Identity - This one surprised me and seems ridiculous, but is real nonetheless. Now that I've started a public infertility blog, infertility has become a bigger part of my identity. If I become pregnant, I will no longer fit into that category. 
  3. Changes - I have never liked change. I am used to my infertile self. What would I do as a pregnant self? I don't like infertility, but at least it is familiar.
Lord, please pluck the lies and fears out of my mind and leave only Your truth.

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

In Jesus' Name, 

Amen
Psalm 19:14