What We Thought We Wanted

We have been working crazy hours on the house. While swishing a paintbrush, a little thought keeps popping into my head: "This process would be so much harder if we had kids." Every time, I quickly add, "Of course, I would much rather have kids."

Working on the house has reminded me of the things that we wanted to do before having kids. Couples often come up with a before-children to-do list that looks something like this:

Our list looked like that for the first few years of marriage. We were afraid of having an "oops." While my husband was in law school, we had to live off of my income. A baby just would not fit into that life. As graduation approached, we realized that most of our "Before Kids" items portrayed kids as a burden or an inconvenience. That seemed backward to us. The Bible talks about children as a blessing. Why would we want to try to prevent a blessing from the Lord? We did not have all our ducks in a row, but realized they never will be. 

So, we decided to leave our family planning in the Lord's hands rather than our own. Surprisingly, His plan was not to "burden" us with children. Instead, He has told us to wait. We have moved from being nervously open to children in His timing to pleading for Him to bring them soon. 

Working on the house has reminded me of the list, the things that we wanted to do before having kids. We have done them. Each item has been checked off. 

I would rather have kids than have these items completed. Period. Even if the kids distracted me from painting. However, God seems to have given us what we thought we wanted. Even after we wanted something else instead. 

We do not have kids right now. I wish that statement was false, but it isn't. We have to decide what to focus on: good or bad, blessings or sorrows, hope or disappointment. May we choose well.

Lord, help us choose to be thankful. May we recognize that You are good, and that Your plan is perfect. Give us joy in the present and hope for the future. Amen.

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