Not Thwarted, But Surprised

Our plans took a drastic turn last week. While traveling to and from the information session at the agency we planned to use, we realized that neither of us want to move forward with domestic infant adoption. First, we miscommunicated. Next, I cried in Arby's. Then, we went to the session. And finally, we talked through things and found ourselves in agreement.

After four months of planning on one thing, why the change? For one thing, we couldn't get away from these questions:

Are we seeking a child to meet our needs? 
Are we seeking to meet a child's needs?

We both feel that our motives were not entirely right in focusing on infant adoption. Domestic infant adoption is less risky than other kinds of adoption, the children come with fewer problems, and so on. It would be the easiest for us. 

Over the past several months, God seems to have been changing our hearts. We recognize that our empty home gives us a unique opportunity to take in higher-risk children. Many people do not want to take in a child with baggage for fear of risking the stability of the children already in their home. While not wanting to jump into the most complicated, risky situation, we do want to make ourselves available to meet a child's needs. 

At the information session, our feelings were confirmed. With 68 families on the waiting list and only 30-40 adoptions happening each year, the need just was not there. Not to mention the $28,000 price tag. If we added ourselves to the list, it would be for us, not for the child. For us, it felt selfish. If we couldn't get a baby one way, we would get one another way doggoneit. Please hear me: I do not think domestic infant adoption is selfish for everyone. On the contrary, I believe that it is a beautiful thing. Right now, it doesn't feel right for us.

So, what are our plans? We want to be prepared to say yes to the right situation. So, our first step is to get home study approved. Since foster care is now on the table, we will likely go through the foster care approval process and then go from there. Honestly, this is a whole new direction for us, so we are still gathering information. For those of you unfamiliar with the many types of adoption, here are a few possibilities:

  • Foster-to-adopt - Foster-parenting with the hope of adopting the child(ren). These children are not yet available for adoption, but may be soon.
  • Adoption through the foster care system - Adopting a child or children whose parental rights have already been terminated.
  • Private adoption - Adopting a child through personal connections.
  • Something totally different that we haven't thought of yet.
Originally, foster care was not an option. After wanting children for so long, we thought it would be too hard for them to come and go. It will still be hard, but we do not feel called to easy. 

I am surprised about several things:

  • Peace - We are both Type-A, ducks-in-a-row people. Domestic infant adoption through an agency seems to be the most straightforward type of adoption. When we opened the door to every other type of adoption, I would have expected us to panic. Rather, we feel a strange peace about the possibilities. 
  • Agreement - In the past, we have not been on the same page with adoption. I could have been talked into nearly any kind of adoption; whatever it takes to get kids in our home PRONTO. [Not good. Don't try that.] C has been much more cautious. Right now, we are in agreement. 
  • Excitement - Peace is one thing; excitement is an pleasant surprise. We know our family will grow in the way the Lord has planned and are fastening our seat belts for the ride. 

Please join us in prayer.