That Elusive Baby Bump

Hearing the stories of other women, I am amazed at what we put ourselves through in pursuit of children. We endure invasive tests, extensive blood work, personality-changing hormones, and even surgeries. All this for that elusive baby bump (and the baby that comes with it).

Pregnancy is a mystery to those of us on the outside. We idealize pregnancy, looking forward to having "the glow." We want the excitement of seeing our baby on an ultrasound and feeling it kick us from inside.

And then, I think about what pregnancy actually involves: aches and pains, nausea, stretching skin, squished organs, giving birth to a melon. When looking at pregnancy that way, I start to think that this infertility journey is silly; adoption is clearly the better way to grow a family. At least the children come pre-made. I could get behind that.

Except, I would miss out. I want to see a positive pregnancy test and to share the results with my husband, family, and friends. I want to be unable to button my jeans because of the life God is knitting together inside of me. I want to shop for maternity clothes. I want to experience the aches and pains of a body bulging as it forms a human that didn't exist before [What a miracle!]. I want to see what our babies would look like. Would they have my nose and C's eyes? Would they have my blond hair, C's darker hair, or red hair like other family members? These are things I would miss and will surrender if the Lord wills.

As I have mentioned before, adoption is not a second choice for us. We have always planned to adopt at some point. What we didn't plan for was the possibility that adoption might be our only option. If that's where we end up, we will mourn for the things we missed, swallow hard, and then get excited.